If your partner reaches for lube, it isn’t a failure. Wetness isn’t a reliable measure of how aroused she is, and a small bottle on the bedside table will make you a better lover!
A lot of men take it personally when a partner reaches for lube. There’s a worried feeling that he isn’t doing it “right” and the assumption that if she were properly turned on her body would handle the rest, right? Well, this is actually false!
The assumption is that a sufficiently aroused woman produces all the lubrication she needs, so reaching for the bottle must mean the desire isn’t there. Female bodies don’t always work like this. Natural lubrication rises and falls with hormones, the menstrual cycle, hydration, stress, medication and the contraceptive pill, and none of that has anything to do with desire. She can be aching for you and still be dry, because the physical and the mental don’t always move in synch. Reading her wetness as a verdict on your performance will have you feeling anxious about something that has nothing to do with you!
Once you stop treating lube as an failure, it becomes quite liberating. It reduces the friction so she can stay comfortable, it makes your hands, your mouth and any toys glide in a way that makes for much higher pleasure. Reaching for it isn’t an admission of defeat, it’s what attentive and experienced lovers do!
The men who are on team lube are, in my experience, the ones women love going to bed with, because they are secure enough to understand that vulvas are nuanced. So please keep a bottle within reach, use more than you think you need, and know that is has nothing to do with a lack of desire.
Evie Elysian · Melbourne Independent Escort
