Key Takeaways
- Asking for what you want in bed doesn’t make things awkward, it creates clarity, confidence, and better chemistry.
- The best experiences happen when you communicate the vibe you want first (slow, sensual, playful, dominant, affectionate) before getting into specifics.
- If you’re shy, using language like “I like…” or “Something I really enjoy is…” makes your desires feel natural instead of embarrassing.
- Consent based check ins (“Do you like that?”, “Want me to slow down?”) deepen trust and often make the moment even hotter.
- A respectful request is always more attractive than silence, because great lovers don’t guess, they guide.
There’s a myth that good sex is something that “just happens” when two people have chemistry. But in my experience as an escort in Melbourne, the best sex almost always comes from something far less romantic and far more powerful: clear communication.
The clients who have the most satisfying sessions with me aren’t necessarily the hottest, richest, or most experienced. They’re the ones who know what they want, aren’t ashamed of it, and can express it in a way that feels respectful, confident, and easy.
Because here’s the truth no one says loudly enough: most people don’t struggle with sex. They struggle with asking.
If you’re someone who freezes up, overthinks, worries about being judged, or tries to hint your way into what you want, this blog is for you. I’m going to walk you through how to ask for what you want in bed in a way that builds connection and turns up the heat not the tension.
The best lovers don’t guess, they guide
The biggest difference between average sex and incredible sex usually isn’t technique. It’s direction.
I can’t count how many times a client has said “I don’t know what I like” or “I’m happy with anything”… and I understand why they say it. They’re trying to be polite. They’re trying not to be demanding. But it actually puts pressure on the other person to become a mind reader, and that usually leads to generic, safe, forgettable sex.
Some of the best sessions I’ve had were with men who came in with calm clarity. Not a script. Not a list. Just a simple sense of themselves. I remember one client who said, “I’m not into anything intense. I just want slow, sensual, affectionate energy and I want you to take the lead, but with lots of eye contact.” That single sentence gave me everything. It wasn’t graphic. It wasn’t awkward. It was confident, and it instantly made the session better for both of us.
If you want more pleasure, you have to understand this: asking isn’t ruining the mood. It is the mood.
Start with the vibe, not the mechanics
If you don’t know how to ask for what you want, start with something even easier: the energy.
This is where people go wrong, they try to jump straight into specific acts, when what they’re actually craving is a feeling: being wanted, being controlled, being adored, being teased, being safe, being worshipped, being challenged.
In Melbourne I meet a lot of clients who are high functioning in life, but emotionally exhausted. I’ve had men tell me, almost nervously, “I think I just want you to be sweet to me.” That’s not weak. That’s self awareness. And it changes the entire experience.
So instead of saying something like:
“I want this, then that, then this…”
try:
- “I love slow and sensual.”
- “I want it to feel passionate.”
- “I want something playful and a bit cheeky.”
- “I want you to be in charge tonight.”
- “I want to feel like you really want me.”
When you lead with vibe, you create trust, and once trust is there, asking for specifics becomes easy.
Say what you want like it’s normal (because it is)
A lot of people accidentally make things weird by sounding ashamed.
They whisper their desires like they’re confessing a crime. They apologise. They over explain. They test the waters with jokes. They wait until the last second and blurt it out with awkward energy.
But desire doesn’t need to come with embarrassment. And from my side of the bed, confidence is deeply attractive, even if the person is shy.
I remember a younger client in Southbank who was clearly nervous. He kept hesitating, like he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Eventually he took a breath and said: “Can I tell you something? I really like being teased. Slowly. Like you’re taking your time.” He didn’t ask it like a favour. He asked it like it was allowed. And that tiny shift made him instantly more relaxed, more present, more masculine.
Here’s the difference:
❌ “This is going to sound weird but…”
✅ “Something I really enjoy is…”
Keep it clean. Keep it calm. Keep it confident.
You don’t need to perform confidence, either. You just need to speak like you believe you deserve pleasure, because you do.
Use consent language that turns people on
Some clients think consent language kills the mood. In my world, it does the opposite.
There is nothing hotter than someone who checks in like they actually care about your experience. Not in a stiff, robotic way, in a present, attentive way.
I’ve had clients say things like:
“Tell me if you want more pressure.”
or
“Do you like that?”
or
“Want me to slow down?”
And the truth is, it makes them feel safer. More mature. More in control.
If you want to ask for what you want in bed, consent language is the cheat code because it gives you a structure to communicate without awkwardness.
Try phrases like:
- “Can I show you what I like?”
- “Would you be into…?”
- “I’d love it if you…”
- “Tell me if you want me to change anything.”
You’re not asking for permission like you’re scared. You’re inviting them into something mutual. That confidence lands beautifully.
Be specific, but don’t sound like a demand
The difference between sexy clarity and entitlement is tone.
A lot of men don’t realise this, but escorts can feel it instantly, whether someone is asking with respect, or expecting compliance. That’s not just a safety issue, it’s an energy issue. You can’t have great sex when someone feels pressured.
The best clients I’ve had in Melbourne ask for things in a way that feels collaborative. I remember someone telling me, “I really love when you use your nails a bit. Not too hard. Just enough to feel it.” That’s specific, but it’s also considerate. He wasn’t ordering me around, he was guiding me into his pleasure.
A great formula is:
What you want + how you want it + what you don’t want
Example:
“I’d love it if you were more dominant with me, but nothing rough, just confident.”
That kind of clarity makes you a dream to be with.
If you’re shy, use “I like…” instead of “Can you…”
This is one of the most underrated communication tricks.
When people ask “Can you…” it can feel like a request, like you’re hoping the other person will approve. That can create anxiety.
But when you say “I like…” it becomes self ownership, not permission seeking.
I’ve seen shy clients go from awkward to confident instantly just by switching language.
Try:
- “I like slow kissing.”
- “I like when you take your time.”
- “I like being told what to do.”
- “I like feeling wanted.”
That’s it. That’s the whole technique. You’re just telling the truth, like an adult.
Don’t save it for the last second, set expectations early
One of the most frustrating things for escorts (and honestly for partners too) is when someone waits until the moment is happening, then tries to change the whole direction.
Not because the desire is bad, but because it feels impulsive and chaotic.
The clients who get the best experiences with me usually communicate before things heat up. Even just 30 seconds before. They’ll say, “Can we keep it really sensual tonight?” or “I’d love it if you could be a bit more in control.”
I once had a client who didn’t mention what he wanted until halfway through, then suddenly got anxious because he felt it was “too late” to ask. And I remember thinking: if he’d just told me at the start, the entire session would’ve been shaped perfectly around that desire.
If you don’t know what you want, ask for options
You don’t have to walk into the bedroom with a fully formed fantasy.
It’s completely normal to only know what you don’t want, or to just want “something different” without being able to describe it.
In those moments, the best thing you can do is be honest and ask for guidance.
Some of my favourite sessions have started with a client admitting:
“I’m not sure what I feel like, can you lead it and I’ll tell you what feels good?”
That creates play. It creates discovery. And it still gives direction, which makes everything smoother.
The real secret: asking for what you want makes you more attractive
This is what I wish every man understood.
When you ask for what you want in bed with calm confidence and respect, you don’t seem needy or weird.
You seem:
- self aware
- emotionally intelligent
- present
- safe
And from an escort’s perspective, especially here in Melbourne where the industry is full of time wasters and boundary pushers, the client who communicates well instantly becomes the client we want to see again.
Not because he begged. Not because he got lucky. But because he understood that good sex is co created, and he knew how to speak.
A simple script you can steal
If you want an example of the perfect way to ask for what you want without sounding awkward, use this:
“Can I tell you what I’m really craving tonight? I’d love something slow, sensual and affectionate. Lots of kissing and teasing, and I’d love it if you took the lead a bit. If anything doesn’t feel right for you, tell me, I want it to feel good for both of us.”
That message alone will separate you from 90% of men.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What if I don’t know exactly what I want?
That’s honestly more common than people think. A lot of clients come in with a vague craving, like wanting to feel wanted, wanting something slower, wanting softness, or wanting to switch their brain off. You don’t need a perfectly worded fantasy to communicate well. Even saying, “I’m not totally sure what I want, but I’d love you to take the lead and I’ll tell you what feels good” is a strong, confident way to start, because it still gives direction without pressure.
2. Is it rude or awkward to ask for specific things?
No, not when it’s done with respect. In my experience, it’s actually more awkward when someone doesn’t communicate and just silently hopes I’ll guess. Clear requests make everything smoother and more enjoyable. The key is tone: asking like you’re collaborating is sexy, asking like you’re entitled is not. Most escorts genuinely appreciate clients who can express themselves.
3. How do I ask without sounding demanding?
This is where most men get in their head. The easiest way is to use language that feels like an invitation, not an order. Phrases like “I’d love it if…” or “Something I really enjoy is…” keep the dynamic warm and confident. A client once said to me, “I’d love something slower and more sensual if you’re comfortable with that,” and the way he asked instantly made him feel safe and emotionally intelligent, which made me want to give him more.
4. When should I communicate what I want, before the session or during?
Both are ideal. If you know what you want, mentioning it before the session helps set the whole mood and reduces nerves. But you can also communicate during, especially if you’re shy or not sure until you’re in the moment. The best clients don’t treat communication like a big dramatic announcement, they just guide gently as things unfold.
